Friday, March 19, 2010

Double Standards of my Imaginary Life


Over the past few months many have thrown shade to the homie Tiger Woods for his MANY side pieces over the past few years lol! Now while I never want to give a round of high fives to all the cheaters in the world I have come to realize I truly have a double standard when it comes to being cheated on by a dollarnaire VS a billionaire (smh). To me it is truly comical because I have internally thought long and hard about what I would do in that type of situation.

I can admit it REALLY sucks to get cheated on, but in my head I am weighing out the scenarios. Now before I get in to deep I am specifically talking about "celebrity" type men who cheat on their wives NOT men who are just cheating on their girlfriend because lets just face it you don't get to keep the house with that kind of title lol

I feel like Tigers mistake was not telling wifey at the alter like "yo before you say I do...I like sex I like sex with a lot of other people...I promise I will wear a condom...and you can spend all my money...if you agreed we good and I DO". That way at least the poor girl could have at least been like "I'll pass" or "word...lets keep the party going". Instead she has to walk around with the "I got played" face looking like Vanessa Bryant which doesn't really earn you any brownie points at your kids PTA meetings.

In my own make believe world I would never marry any celebrity be it athlete or Hollywood hunk without considering the fact he could cheat. Its a tough world out there for a man with the spotlight on him lol. I truly think the public discovery and slander across magazine racks nationwide is more of a GOTCHA BITCH then the actual act of the infidelity itself. I know what your saying though, "why marry if you know he will cheat then?" Valid question, but this is strictly a for humor type of thought process I am going through. So to answer the question, "WHY NOT?" I mean think about it if I am an avg college educated chick making avg money in higher education meet a eligible athlete who can knock my life up from avg to outstanding and chooses to "put a ring on it" and I truly love the guy who am I to turn it down because of the fear of the "what ifs"

To really drive my point home peep my open letter to my future husband

Dear future NFL husband,

I love you that's why I married you! Do I want you to cheat on me? HELL NO! Do I realize you could possible have hoes in different area codes, but still call me every night and say you love me? HELL YES! So here is what I am going to need you to do. If you can't keep it in your pants wear a condom, limit it to 2 hoes a year and run me them heffas backgrounds and we good. Hoodrats and hooters girls are UNACCEPTABLE. Lets limit them to chicks that have their OWN money so that they are not trying to spend up mine. Don't get mad if I am out doing me with Enrique my Yoga instructor because if you think I am going to sit at home and wait on you HA!

I am always 3 steps ahead of you so if you can't keep your hoes in check please note I will be more then happy to take full control of the mansion I had you build for me, my Nissan Murano (lol what you thought I would say Mercedes huh), the nanny and the child support for the 3 kids I popped out for insurance purposes. Oh and please make sure you put money aside for college tuitions and my "moms" apartment in Miami because "the kids" love spending summers there!

Signed,
Your wife who may have set you up from jump :-)

FaithFully Yours!

PS DON'T JUDGE ME! :-)

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